Good-bye, T!

Today we brought our Safe Families toddler back to his mother.

We had him for five weeks and saw him go from frequent tantrums and biting episodes with little ability to play, to a much calmer, happier child.  We managed to fall in love with our Afro-sporting, bow-legged friend.

Along the way, I had some interesting conversations with friends.  The darker tones of those conversations revolved around the "is it worth it?" question.  I mean, we keep this child for five weeks while mom accomplishes, let's say, not as much as you might like to see.  Meanwhile, we interfere with the child's attachment with his mother and break our backs cleaning up messes, waiting out tantrums, and waking up in the middle of night to console the distraught child.

Phew.

The good news is a conversation like that really makes you think.  Really examine WHY we are doing this.  We are not interested in enabling.  After all, we've read, When Helping Hurts (which I highly recommend, even though I don't entirely agree with it's message).

Here is my conclusion:

No, it might not be worth it.  In earthly terms, the results are probably not there.  But I believe something is happening in the heavenlies.  This child is PRAYED over and will be for life.  That child is protected and covered.  That child knows someone loved him well.

Who loves children more than the Lord?  Don't you think he is pleased, when he sees one of his children scoop up a more vulnerable child?

"when you count the cost and it all seems lost, LOVE IS STILL A WORTHY CAUSE"

(Sara Groves)

Over and over I hear from friends who are not fostering or hosting Safe Family children say, "oh, I could never do that because it would hurt too much to send them back".  Yep.  Guess what?  We don't do this for US, we do it for the kids.  It is a sacrifice.  I personally do not possess a gene that protects me from worrying about this child as he goes back to his rough life.  It is not especially easy for me to see them go.  But we do it for the kids.  We do it for the joy of giving our lives away.

"when you're pressing on though your strength is gone, LOVE IS STILL WORTHY CAUSE"

(Sara Groves)

But what about our kids?  The permanent ones?  This has been a sticking point for me!  I hate to see them hurt!  Yes, my kids were bitten.  Yes, they had to step up and help by playing with our little one, changing diapers, and cleaning bottles.  And remarkably, they end up grieving when the little guy leaves!  They treated this little guy like a brother, even though they knew he was not going to stay.

Evelea wrote a book called The Departure, which details her feelings about our time with the little guy.  I hope I get to show it to you someday because the illustrations are amazing!  But I'll leave you with her words:

Once upon a time there was a girl.  Her name was Evelea.  That girl was me.  Once a upon a time there was a boy.  His name was T___.  That boy was you.  Our worlds were so different.

Then you came to me, to your Safe home.  I held your hand and you held mine.  I didn't want to let go.

I soon learned that you weren't perfect...

But you were worth it.

We played Patty-Cake.

We played outside on the slide and the swing that I set up just for you.  If I held one end of a jump rope, you would hold the other and I could lead you around!

I calmed you down by "boop-ing" your nose.  You would go from sobbing to cracking up!

I knew someday you would have to go.  I tried not to think about it.

But that day was so much sooner than I expected. Friday.  My world was suddenly black and white.

And now, dear boy, you must depart from me.  I will never forget you, for you stole part of my heart.  I can't go with you but my God can.  I am sending him after you, and one day, if you let him, he'll be your God too.  I will miss you, my sweet T___.  I will always be your Eea, and you will always be my T___.

The joy is worth the pain in the end.

Africa in our Backyard

Do you think this hole in our driveway looks quite a bit like Africa, or is it just me?

Free to Love

One of my favorite things is watching my children who were adopted serving others.  The world had a plan for these girls, but God's plan for their lives won out.  Now they are free.  Free from poverty and hopelessness.  Free to love and serve.

Here are a few pictures of Sitota sharing her love with our Little Man T.

Sitota is a wonderful helper and does an amazing job keeping up with Little T!

You've Got a Friend

How I felt this morning before I met up with my friends:

How I feel now, after sharing my heart with my friends:

(Side note:  I bought my husband red Converse for Valentine's Day.  Is there a better way to express your love?  I think not.)

I had been feeling more than a little beaten down, suffering the after-effects of a cold, and emotionally tapped out from caring for our frenetically-attached Safe Family toddler.  I don't think you'll find "frenetically- attached" in any official literature, but it works here, trust me.  I had let the words of another make me doubt everything I was doing and totally forgot for Whom I was doing it.  

Enter my friends.  They reminded me that it does matter.  They gave me the One Day at A Time speech- that never gets old and is always true.  They affirmed how hard it really is.  They would have given me grace if I threw in the towel, but they saw I still had a spark and they flamed it.  

I walked away thinking, "it is wearying to absorb someone's trauma, but isn't that exactly what Christ did for me? And with Him inside of me, why couldn't I do this?".

Are you weary and overwhelmed?  Reach out to a friend!  Like a real life conversation.  Let the kids play in the backyard and bear your soul!  You will feel so much better.  I know I do.

Adoption Fundraiser

Check out these great shirts!

A friend of mine is working hard to raise money to bring their little one home from Ethiopia.  The shirts are only $12, so you could buy a bunch!  Only $10 for kid's sizes!

The 4 million they are referencing is the number of orphans currently living in Ethiopia.  Friends, we can do something to bring that number down!

Contact Dawn at dawn_prather@yahoo.com to order your shirt.

Urban Ministry in the Burbs

One thing I know about myself is that I could feel sorry for just about anything and anyone.

I feel sorry for convicted criminals, telemarketers, and the curling iron I never use that sits all lonely in the drawer.  Really anything. I guess that is the gift of compassion I have that my grandpa warned by mom about when I was just a tike.  He said my mom better "toughen me up" so I wouldn't get by heart broken so much.

My heart is drawn to so many things, that sometimes I wish I could just pick one thing to focus my compassion on.  I wish I could be utterly sold out to helping Africans secure clean water, or serving the homeless in Chicago.  But at this point in my life, my heart is bleeding all over the map!

One thing I know, I am committed to serving the Lord right where I am today, and that is in the suburbs.

One incredible way we are able to do some urban ministry in the suburbs is through the Safe Families program.  We are practicing Biblical hospitality by hosting an 18- month old in our home for the next several months.  His mom needs some time to take some steps to provide a better environment for her children.  We are going to give her that time to get healthy, and build into her little one for as long as we have him.

The Safe Families program is in 25 states.  You do not need to be a licensed foster parent to participate.  You not actually have to host a little one in your home to participate.  Maybe you would like to host a pregnant teen?  Maybe you can supply a package of diapers to a host family?  Maybe you would babysit for a host family?  Would you pray for hearts of the little ones living away from mom?

I encourage you to check out their website to see if this is something God has for you.

I cannot say enough good things about this ministry.  We have hosted four children so far and it is one of the most rewarding and stretching experiences I have ever had.

Mommy Meltdown

As part of my 7 , An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess, we are giving away seven items from our home every day this month.  My girls have jumped into this project with their whole hearts.  They have stunned me with their generosity giving away clothes they still liked, but didn't need.  Toys that they still like, but don't love like they used to, as long as someone else would love to have them.

But THIS, my heart could not bear!  Are my girls really ready to give away their fairy wings?

I know two of them will be middle-schoolers in a few months and I guess I can't actually remember the last time they dressed up like that, but STILL.

I suppose I can accept they may be too old to dress up with fairy wings on their backs, but... I will make it my mission to ensure they never lose the fairy wings in their hearts.