On Friday morning, I picked up our newest Safe Families child, and on Friday evening, I drove him back the case worker.
Epic Fail, right?
After whole-heartily agreeing to host this precious boy with special needs, I quickly realized this little one's behaviors were far beyond the scope of my ability to handle. Not an easy thing for me to admit. I had a lot of tears over this little one's desperate situation and my inability to help him.
Oh, Satan got on that one good. He whispered lies to me like "how could you put your own children at risk like that?" and "so you actually thought you were good at this kind of thing?". And "you messed up your own daughter's birthday!" "Think of all the people you let down". Yuck.
But when I received this poem from Evelea, how could I possibly have thought for a moment that I had failed?
I promise you it will be okay,
but I know you wanted Andreas to stay.
God will bring another little child
into our love-filled home,
one to temporarily be
our family's very own.
I know this really can't replace
that adorable little boy, Andreas.
But he was just too much for us to handle,
we couldn't even light a candle!
But as terrible as this may seem,
think of it as a sort of dream.
this won't have to be,
No Safe Families, or special needs.
Until then, God will pull us through,
just keep on going with all the good work you do.
No birthdays were ruined! No one failed!
In fact, my honesty about this little one's needs made it possible for him to get the kind of care he actually requires. We all learned lessons about telling the truth, seeking help, and loving everyone- even if its for just a few hours. And I learned to show some grace to myself.
I am learning how to show grace to myself.
Thank you, Evelea Grace. And Happy 11th Birthday.