Embracing the Bitter and the Sweet

I had to go back and check the date on my last blog post. One week ago. Really? Only one week?

I know one week is a long time to let the blog go, but I feel like it has been ages since I wrote last. I think its because my soul has aged about a year or two or five in the past week.

Our Safe Families baby boy had his surgery today (Norwood Procedure). It was done by the same doctor who did Carter's and Therese's surgery. He is doing well so far.

This baby is now etched into my heart forever. I know God planned long ago that I would mother this boy for whatever period of time we will have him. I know this boy will return to his mother, exactly as it should be.

But where does this leave my heart, exactly?

I can't love him less in an effort to protect my heart, that is for certain. I am part of a web board for parents who have adopted from Ethiopia. Several of these mothers are also foster mothers. They gave me the precious advice to go ahead and fall in love. They admonished me that I would not look back on this experience and wish I had loved less, so go ahead and love to the fullest capacity.

But how does one love like this knowing what is coming? It feels like the opposite of adoption! Instead of waiting for a time and loving for a lifetime, I only get to love for a short time.

This kind of love is bound to leave a scar.

"He said 'Love...as I have loved you'. We cannot love too much"

Amy Carmichael