It Just Doesn't Get Easier

... but I do get wiser, mostly.

Yesterday, I took Carter to Lutheran General for a follow-up appointment from his tonsillectomy. We also met with the cardiologist briefly. There were times yesterday that I felt quite the expert "mother of a special needs child" and other times I had the helpless, I-just-got-kicked-in-the-gut-again, feelings.

Expert Mother said, "No, I am not going to allow Carter to have that particular blood test at this time. This isn't something he needs urgently and he has had too much trauma lately to put him through anything else right now."

Expert Mother said, "I would like to get a second opinion before he is fitted for hearing aids."

Fraidy Cat Mother left the cardiologist still confused about the course for restarting the medication. I knew what I thought was right, but chickened out on confronting the doctor and thought "I'll just call back later and figure this out."

At the end of our three and a half hours at LGH, I felt exhausted and exhilarated. I had stood up for Carter when it counted. I felt beat down with the knowledge that he probably does need hearing aids, but proud of myself for seeking another opinion (and a closer to home opinion).

Having a child with special needs can be very difficult. There is so much responsibility, so much research to do, so many appointments to keep. I need to find ways to encourage my son. Hearing aids are cute on a four year old, but require a certain finesse for the fourteen year old to feel good about himself while wearing them.

One thing the Lord keeps telling me is that I need to go to Him to refuel. He has given me this difficult life, and He has the power to make it beautiful. I want to be a woman at rest in the Lord. He is Carter's Heavenly Father. That is all I need to know.